WELCOME BACK TO COMFORT FOOD, BROADCAST LIVE FROM CODY WYOMING WHERE NEXT YEARS TOURISM SLOGAN IS… COME AND ENJOY CODY… TAKE BACK A WOLF WITH YOU.

WELL, TODAY IS A SPECIAL BROADCAST… WE ARE WELCOMING A NEW CAST MEMBER TO THE SHOW… IT IS MY PLEASURE TO WELCOME THE NEW BIG HORN NEWS DIRECTOR WENDY CORR TO OUR LITTLE FAMILY.

CHRIS: WELCOME WENDY.

WENDY: ITS VERY NICE TO BE HERE CHRIS AND I AM THRILLED TO BE A CAST MEMBER OF COMFORT FOOD.

CHRIS: AND WE ARE THRILLED TO HAVE YOU.

WENDY: AND I AM THRILLED TO BE HAVED CHRIS…

CHRIS: AND I AM THRILLED THAT YOU ARE THRILLED TO BE HAVED.

WENDY: HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO GO ON?

CHRIS: ONE MORE TIME… WE ARE VERY HAPPY YOU ARE WITH US.

WENDY: AND I AM VERY HAPPY TO BE WITH YOU ALL….

CHRIS: AND WE ARE HAPPY THAT YOU ARE HAPPY TO…

WENDY: CHRIS… I AM SUDDENLY GETTING LESS HAPPY.

CHRIS: YOU ARE? OH..YES… SORRY… WE ARE JUST EXCITED TO HAVE YOU.

BRYCE: GOOD MORNING MR. TURNER, GOOD MORNING MS CORR.

CHRIS: HELLO BRYCE!

WENDY: HELLO BRYCE. BRYCE.. I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR BABYSITTING MY KIDS THE OTHER NIGHT. JACK AND KENNEDY SAID THEY HAD A BLAST WITH YOU LAST NIGHT.

CHRIS: YOU BABYSAT JACK AND KENNEDY, BRYCE?

BRYCE: YES I DID MR. TURNER. I HAD A LOT OF FUN WITH THEM… OH… MS CORR, I HAVE A QUESTION?

WENDY: YES BRYCE?

BRYCE: DID YOU FIND MY SHOES?

WENDY: OH BRYCE… NO… I DIDN’T. JACK WON’T TELL ME WHERE HE HID THEM… BUT I PROMISE I WILL FIND THEM.

BRYCE: THANK YOU MS CORR… AND.. DID YOU HAVE ANY LUCK FINDING OUT WHERE MY CAR IS?

WENDY: NO, BUT I TOLD JACK SANTA WOULDN’T BE COMING UNLESS HE TOLD ME WHERE IT IS… THOUGH… I DID FIND 2 OF THE TIRES.

CHRIS: HOW OLD IS JACK NOW WENDY?

WENDY: OH.. HE’S A BIG BOY… HE’S 7!

CHRIS: AND HE OUTWITTED BRYCE…..

BRYCE: I KNOW.. I WAS SHOCKED… USUALLY KIDS HAVE TO BE AS OLD AS 9 TO OUTWIT ME!

CHRIS: BRYCE… WHY…WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT BASEBALL HAT.

BRYCE: BECAUSE….

WENDY: BECAUSE MY DAUGHTER KENNEDY PLAYED HAIRDRESSER WITH BRYCE.

CHRIS: OH… YOU LET KENNEDY COLOR YOUR HAIR?

BRYCE: NO….

CHRIS: YOU LET HER BRAID IT?

BRYCE: NO…..

CHRIS: OKAY BRYCE…. WHAT DID YOU LET KENNEDY DO TO YOUR HEAD.

BRYCE: SHE SHAVED IT.

CHRIS: YOU LET AN 11 YEAR OLD GIRL SHAVE YOUR HEAD!!!!!???

BRYCE: SHE SAID I HAD A HAIR OUT OF PLACE.

CHRIS: SO… EVEN WITH A HAIR OUT OF PLACE… HOW DID SHE END UP SHAVING YOUR HEAD.

WENDY: OH.. YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS CHRIS…

BRYCE: WELL… I SAT DOWN ON A KITCHEN CHAIR ACROSS FROM A WALL MIRROR… AND SHE WRAPPED A TOWEL AROUND MY HEAD.

CHRIS: YOU MEAN AROUND YOUR NECK.

BRYCE: NO… AROUND MY HEAD… COVERING MY FACE… SHE SAID IF SHE COULD SEE ME WATCHING HER IN THE MIRROR… SHE MIGHT MAKE A MISTAKE… SO SHE COVERED MY FACE.

WENDY: SHE DID THAT TO ME ONCE…. I HAD TO WEAR STOCKING CAP FOR ALMOST 2 MONTHS.

CHRIS: SO… YOUR FACE IS COVERED…

BRYCE: YES… SO… SHE WAS CUTTING MY HAIR AND THEN THERE WAS AN OOPS

CHRIS: AN OOPS…..

BRYCE: AN OOPS…

WENDY: I KNOW THAT OOPS…

CHRIS: WHAT HAPPENED AFTER OOPS.

BRYCE: WELL… KENNEDY WOULDN’T TELL ME… BUT SHE SAID WE HAD TO GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM… AND I WOULD HAVE TO DRIVE…. BUT I COULDN’T TAKE THE TOWEL OFF OF MY FACE.

CHRIS: WHY COULDN’T YOU REMOVE THE TOWEL?

BRYCE: KENNEDY SAID IT WOULD KEEP THE BLOOD OUT OF MY EYES.

CHRIS: BLOOD OUT OF YOUR EYES!!!!

WENDY: YEP… SHE TOLD ME THE SAME THING.

CHRIS: NOW.. BRYCE… KENNEDY IS 11 AND JACK IS 7 HOW DID YOU GET TO THE HOSPITAL.

BRYCE: WELL… I DROVE MY CAR.. AND KENNEDY AND JACK GAVE ME DIRECTIONS…. BOY MS CORR… YOU HAVE A VERY BUMPY ROAD.

WENDY: BRYCE… WE LIVE ON BECK…IT’S A VERY SMOOTH ROAD..WAIT…OOHHH OHH.. THIS EXPLAINS IT.

CHRIS: EXPLAINS WHAT WENDY.

WENDY: SOMEBODY RAN OVER ALL THE HEDGES ON MY STREET THAT WEREN’T DECORATED FOR CHRISTMAS…. JACK AND KENNEDY ARE THINK EVERYONE SHOULD DECORATE THEIR HOMES.

CHRIS: SO BRYCE…. YOU DROVE YOURSELF TO THE HOSPITAL… THEN WHAT HAPPENED.

BRYCE: THEN THE KIDS WALKED ME INTO THE EMERGENCY ROOM AND SAID THEY WERE GOING TO PARK THE CAR AND NEVER CAME BACK.

WENDY: YEP… THEY DID THAT TO ME TOO….. TWICE.

CHRIS: BRYCE… HOW COULD YOU LET AN 7 YEAR OLD AND 11 YEAR OLD PARK YOUR CAR?

BRYCE: DON’T WORRY MR. TURNER…. I KNEW THEY WERE UNDER AGE… BUT… KENNEDY REMINDED ME THAT COMBINED THEY WERE 18 YEARS OLD…. BUT TO BE SAFE I TOOK AN EXTRA PRECAUTION.

CHRIS: WHAT WAS THE EXTRA PRECAUTION.

BRYCE: : I GAVE THEM MY DRIVER’S LICENSE… YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO CAREFUL.

CHRIS: YOU GAVE THEM YOUR DRIVER’S LICENSE?

BRYCE: AND MY CREDIT CARD… THEY WANTED TO FILL THE CAR UP WITH GAS. BY THE WAY MS CORR…. CAN I GET MY VISA BACK.

WENDY: YES…. OH AND BRYCE… THANKS FOR THE BIG SCREEN HDTV. IT ARRIVED TODAY.

BRYCE: YOU ARE VERY WELCOME MS CORR…. VERY WELCOME.. I JUST WISH I COULD REMEMBER BUYING IT.

CHRIS: SO BRYCE… ARE YOU EVER GOING TO BABYSIT WENDY’S KIDS AGAIN?

BRYCE: I AM DOING IT TONIGHT MR. TURNER AND I AM VERY EXCITED.

CHRIS: YOU’RE DOING IT AGAIN!!!! WHY ARE YOU EXCITED?

BRYCE: CAUSE KENNEDY AND JACK SAID WE WERE PLAYING DR!!! AND I’M THE PAITENT.

CHRIS: BRYCE… LETS HOPE FOR YOUR SAKE YOUR PLAYING A PSYCHIATRIC PAITENT.

BRYCE: MAYBE…. THEY MENTIONED SOMETHING ABOUT A BRAIN TRANSPLANT AND JACK’S GINNIE PIG.

CHRIS: WELL BRYCE…

FRANK: BRYCE… BECAREFUL WITH THAT WHOLE BRAIN TRANSPLANT. I BABYSAT JACK AND KENNEDY ONCE… AND THEY SWITCHED MY BRAIN WITH KENNEDY’S HAMPSTER.

BRYCE: REALLY FRANK… WHAT HAPPENED?

FRANK: I LOST 17 LBS ON THAT LITTLE ROUND TRED MILL…. I LOVE THAT THING!!!!

CHRIS: HMMMM THAT EXPLAINS ALL THE WOOD SHAVINGS AT FRANK’S HOUSE.

THIS IS A REMINDER TO TAKE A LOOK AT OUR GREAT WEBSITE AT…
WWW.COMFORTFOODRADIO.COM YOU CAN DOWNLOAD PAST SHOWS, READ THE LATEST BEAT REPORT…READ NOTES AND ARTICLES BY ME. SCOTT AND TERRY AT RICHBANK STUDIOS BUILT ME A GREAT WEBSITE!
“COMFORT FOOD” IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE BIG HORN RADIO NETWORK ON KODI 1400 AM AND KZMQ 1140 AM FROM 9-10 AM SATURDAY MORNINGS …. LIVE FROM THE WORLD FAMOUS IRMA HOTEL WHERE HISTORY, GREAT FOOD, AND GREAT ROOMS COLLIDE FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT! AND REMEMBER THE BROADCAST BUFFET SPECIAL.. ITS $3.95 FOR SENIORS! HEY… THAT’S ALMOST FREE!!!!

BINGLE THE ELF

MUSIC SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN

HI, THIS IS BINGLE THE ELF… REMEMBER ME…

SANTA HAS ASKED ME TO MENTION SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT.

YAH ALL GOTTA STOP PUTTING THOSE INFLATABLE SNOWMEN ON YOUR ROOFS!!!!

WHEN RUDOLF’S NOSE HITS THOSE THINGS… THE EXPLOSION HAS AN EFFECT ON THE REINDER THAT CAUSES…. WELL… LETS PUT IT THIS WAY, IT GET REALLLLY SLIPPERY UP THERE, EVEN WHEN THERES NOT ANY SNOW… IF YOU GET MY DRIFT.

HE ALSO WANTS ME TO MENTION… HE THINKS ITS NICE YOU ALL PUT THOSE FAKE SANTA’S AND REINDEER ON YOUR ROOF BUT IT REALLY CONFUSES EVERYONE. THE REINDEERS DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON AND THEY GET TIRED AND…WELL… LETS JUST SAY CUPID GOT INVOLVED WITH ONE OF THOSE BIG PLASTIC REINDEER ON A HOUSE IN MICHGAN AND…. IT WASN’T PRETTY. AND SOME IDIOT IS TRYING TO SELL IT AS A HOME VIDEO… SANTA ASKS EVERYONE TO NOT ENCOURAGE THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR… OH AND YES… THAT GUY IN MICHIGAN DID GET HIS REINDEER DECORATION BACK … THE LAWSUIT WASN’T NECESSARY…

THIS IS BINGLE THE ELF… THANK YOU…


LITTLE DRUMMER BOY.


HI, THIS IS THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY. WITH A WORD FOR ALL YOU FOLKS OUT THERE. I AINT SO LITTLE ANYMORE…

I’M 57 YEARS OLD AND I AM SICK OF BEING CALLED LITTLE DRUMMER BOY! I HAVE KIDS IN THEIR 30’S NOW… AND THEY CALL ME LITTLE DRUMMER BOY… I WEIGH IN AT 227 AND AM 6 FOOT 3 INCHES TALL.MY WIFE CALLS ME LITTLE DRUMMBER BOY. THEY GUYS AT WORK CALL ME LITTLE DRUMMER BOY. I AM SICK OF IT!! IF I HEAR IT ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO RUMPAPUMPOUND SOMEONE!

DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GO AROUND WITH A NAME LIKE, LITTLE DRUMMER BOY? PEOPLE KEEP MIXING ME UP WITH BOY GEORGE…. BOY THAT WACKS MY DRUM STICKS… OR THE PILLSBURRY DOUGH BOY…. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE PERFECT STRANGERS WALKING UP AND POKING YOU… AND SOMETIMES THEY MISS MY STOMACH!!!!

I IMPLORE YOU, PLEASE CALL ME BY GIVEN NAME…..HILLARY CLINTON… MY LIFE WOULD BE A LOT EASIER.

THANK YOU.

COMFORT FOOD CODY CHRISTMAS VILLAGE

ONCE AGAIN…. IN AN ATTEMPT TO MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER, BETTER, MORE CHALLENGING… COMFORT FOOD IS PROUD TO ANNOUNCE A NEW COMFORT FOOD PRODUCT!!!

ACTUALLY… IT’S NOT REALLY A PRODUCT BUT… A PLACE!!!

AS OF 12 NOON TODAY WE ARE PROUD TO ANNOUNCE WE ARE OPENING THE COMFORT FOOD CODY CHRISTMAS VILLAGE.

YES.. .YOU AND YOUR FAMILY CAN STROLL DOWN THE STREETS OF THIS SPECIAL YULTIDE TOWN AND BE SURROUNDED RE-ENACTORS PLAYED BY ALL THE GREAT PEOPLE YOU HEAR EVERY WEEK ON COMFORT FOOD.

AT THE LIVER EATING JOHNSON CHRISTMAS BUFFET RESTRAUNT YOU CAN SEE COMFORT FOOD’S VERY OWN BRYCE CORNATZER RE-ENACT LIVER EATING JOHNSON’S HOLIDAY MEAL FROM CHRISTMAS 1881…

BRYCE.. HOW’S THAT GREAT LOOKING MEAL GOING?

BRYCE: MR. TURNER… I DON’T RECOGNIZE HALF THE STUFF ON MY PLATE.

CHRIS: WELL BRYCE.. THAT RIGHT THERE IS TRIPE, COW STOMACH, THAT’S DEFINITELY SOME LUNG… THAT’S …. SOMETHING WE CAN’T SAY ON THE RADIO, THAT’S SOMETHING…. WE CAN’T DESCRIBE ON THE RADIO… AND THAT IS A BIG HONKING LIVER!!!

BRYCE: AND.. I HAVE TO EAT THIS BECAUSE….

CHRIS: BECAUSE YOU ARE A RE-ENACTOR… YOU ARE RECREATING THE OLD WEST.

BRYCE: I THINK I AM GOING TO HAVE TO RE-ENACT OLD WEST THROWING UP IN JUST A MOMENT.

CHRIS: THAT’S THE SPIRIT BRYCE!!! WAY TO TOSS UP YOURSELF INTO THE ROLL!!!

NEXT AT THE COMFORT FOOD CODY CHRISTMAS VILLAGE WE WILL STOP BY MRS. SANTA CLAUS’S LAUNDRY WHERE OUR VERY OWN WENDY CORR IS BUSY WASHING A LOAD OF CLOTHES…

CHRIS: HEY WENDY… HOW IS IT GOING.. ARE YOU GIVING EVERYONE A REAL FEAL FOR WHAT IT WAS LIKE BACK IN THE OLD WEST.

WENDY: TURNER… I AM GOING TO DROWN YOU IN THE LOAD OF LAUNDRY IF YOU GET ANOTHER INCH CLOSER TO ME!!!! I HAVE BEEN WASHING NON STOP FOR 11 HOURS!!!!!!

CHRIS: YES.. WENDY RE-CREATES THOSE LOVABLE OLD SURLY LAUDRESSES WHO POPULATED THE OLD WEST BUT TURNED TO MUSH WHEN FILLED WITH THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!!!!

WENDY: THE ONLY THINK CHRISTMASY ABOUT THIS JOB IS…YOU ARE MAKING ME WASH ALL THE LINNES FROM YOUR CHRISTMAS PARTY. MY HANDS ARE SO CHAPPED I SCRAPE SKIN OFF OF MY FACE WHEN BRUSH THEM ACROSS MY FOREHEAD!!!!!

CHRIS: YES… WENDY PREPARES THE HOT WATER JUST LIKE IN THE OLD DAYS… HEATING THE WATER ON AN OLD FRANKLIN STOVE! WATCH WENDY LIFT THE TUB WITH LITTLE OR NO EFFORT.

WENDY: THESE TUBS FULL OF WATER, WEIGH 85LBS YOU MORON!!!! I AM GOING TO HAVE TO SPEND A WEEK AT A CHIROPRACTOR!!

CHRIS: SORRY WENDY… THERE NO CHIROPRACTORS IN THE OLD WEST…BUT YOU CAN GO TO THE COMFORT FOOD CODY CHRISTMAS VILLAGE DENTIST. HE’LL APPLY LEACHES TO YOUR SKIN AND YOU’LL FEEL GOOD AS NEW.

WENDY: YOUR’E THE ONLY LEACH I’M INTERESTED IN GETTING AT TURNER! I’M LEAVING THIS JOB.

CHRIS: MIGHT I REMIND YOU WENDY THAT ENDETURED SERVITUDE LAWS EXIST HERE IN THE COMFORT FOOD CODY CHRISTMAS VILLAGE. IF YOU TRY TO RUN OFF.. I CAN HAVE YOU HUNTED DOWN AND BRANDED!!!!

NEXT ON OUR STOP AT THE COMFORT FOOD CHRISTMAS VILLAGE IS FLIRTY FRANK’S OLD WEST SALOON. IN THE DAYS OF YORE… MANY SALOON OWNERS WERE FORCED TO HIRE ANYBODY TO BE A SALOON GIRL… NO MATTER WHAT THEY LOOKED LIKE. AT FLIRTY FRANK’S WE HAVE REALLY CAPTURED THAT FEELING!!!

CHRIS: IT LOOKS LIKE WE’VE CAUGHT FLIRTY FRANK BETWEEN SONGS AND DANCES… HOW GOES IT FLIRTY FRANK.

FRANK: CHRIS!!!! I HAVE BEEN ON MY FEET ALL DAY!!!! I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO KEEL OVER… IF I HAVE TO DANCE ONE MORE DANCE WITH AL OR PETE SIMPSON… I’M QUITTING. PETE’S A PRETTY GOOD DANCER BUT AL STEPS ALL OVER MY FEET!!!

CHRIS: YES… JUST LIKE IN THE OLD DAYS… FOR A NICKLE YOU CAN DACE WITH A WITHSOME BAR MADE!

FRANK: AND… ONE QUESTION… DOES PETE EVER SHAVE!!!! I FEEL LIKE I’VE HAD HALF MY FACE SANDPAPERD OFF!!!!!

CHRIS: FRANK… WHY DON’T YOU GIVE US A SONG!

FRANK: SURE….. HMMMMMMM….. “OH MY DARLIN.. OH MY DARLIN.. OH MY DARLIN IT’S QUITTEN TIME… “ HOW’S THAT!!!!

CHRIS: GREAT JOB FRANK AND REMEMBER…. THIS IS THE TIME OF ENDENTURED SERVITUDE… IF YOU RUN AWAY… I CAN HAVE YOU HUNTED DOWN AND BRANDED… AND IT’S ALL LEGAL!!!!

FRANK: I HATE MY LIFE……. OKAY AL…OKAY PETE… ONE MORE GO AROUND…. I REALLY HATE MY LIFE!!!

AND NOW OUR NEXT STOP… THE COMFORT FOOD CODY CHRISTMAS VILLAGE SHOOLHOUSE WITH SCHOOL MARM… THE LOVELY KIM RICHARD….. LETS KNOCK AND GO INSIDE…..

SOUND EFFECT KNOCKIGN ON DOOR.

WENDY… FRANK… BRYCE…JAYME. MAKE NOISE LIKE UN RULEY KIDS!!!!

CHRIS: SO SCHOOL MARM KIM… HOW ARE THINGS GOING… ARE YOU TEACHING THE LITTLE TIKES ANYTHING…

KIM: GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!! YOU HAVE TO CHRIS!!!! YOU HAVE TO GET ME OUT OF HERE…THESE… THINGS ARE DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!

CHRIS: NOW, NOW KIM, YOU KNOW THAT YOU AND THE KIDS HAVE TO PUT ON THE CHRISTMAS PLAY TONIGHT… HOW ARE REHERSALS GOING???

KIM: THEY ARE….ALL….. NUTS….. ONE LITTLE BOY STOLE THE PLASTIC BABY JESUS FROM THE MANGER AND HOCKED HIM. ANOTHER KID HAS BUTCHERED ONE OF THE COWS FROM THE LIVE NATIVITY SCENE AND IS SELLING IT BY QUARTERS BEHIND THE SCHOOL!!

CHRIS: THOSE KIDS ARE INCORAGIBLE AREN’T THEY!!!!

KIM: WHERE… WHERE….GET OFF OF ME KID!!!! WHERE DID YOU FIND THESE, THESE… MINITURE PSYCHOS!!!

CHRIS: WELL.. WE WERE HAVING TROUBLE FINDING LITTLE KID RE-ENACTORS SO WE WENT TO THE BIG HORN BASIN YOUTH DETENTION CENTER AND THEY GLADLY TURNED THEM OVER… I ONLY HAVE TO PAY $1 PER KID PER DAY!!! ISN’T THAT GREAT!!!!! YOU KNOW KIM, IN THE OLD WEST… TEACHERS WERE ALLOWED TO HAND OUT WACKS WITH A RULER.

KIM: I TRIED THAT ONCE…. THE KID GRABBED IT FROM ME… I HAVE WELTS ALL OVER MY LEGS!!!! CHRIS.. I WILL PAY YOU TO LET ME OUT OF HERE!

CHRIS: WELL KIM.. I AM AFRAID THAT WON’T WORK.. FIRST WE HAVE TO HAVE THE KIDS AND THE CHRISTMAS PAGENT THEY ARE PUTTING ON AND… ON YOUR $.27 CENTS A DAY SALARY AS A SCHOOL MARM.. YOU REALLY CAN’T AFFORD TO BRIBE ME.

KIM: $.27 CENTS A DAY!!!!! $.27 CENTS!!!! I’M QUITING!!! I WON’T WORK FOR THAT….

CHRIS: WELL KIM… BECAUSE OF ENDENTURED SERVITUDE LAWS OF THE OLD WEST.. YOU HAVE TO STAY… IF YOU LEAVE.. I CAN HAVE YOU HUNTED DOWN AND BRANDED!

KIM: ONE DAY….ONE DAY TURNER…WHILE YOU ARE SLEEPING I’M GOING TO…..

CHRIS: SORRY KIM.. I’M MARRIED…

OUR LAST STOP IS AT THE COMFORT FOOD CODY CHRISTMAS VILLAGE HANGMAN’S SCAFOLDING WHERE OUR INTERN, JAYME FRAZIER, IS POTRAYING A YOUNG CATTLE RUSTLER ABOUT TO BE HUNG.

CHRIS: HOW ARE THINGS GOING UP THERE JAYME?

JAYME: UH….FINE CHRIS…. UM… THIS NOOSE IS REALLY TIGHT.. COULD YOU HAVE THE HANGMAN GUY LOOSEN IT.

CHRIS: WELL JAYME… IT HAS TO BE SNUG… WE WANT OUR VISITORS TO REALLY FEEL LIKE THEY ARE BACK IN THE OLD WEST.

JAYME: BUT… THIS NOOSE…ITS REALLY… REALY…TIGHT… I AM HAVING A HARD TIME BREATHING.

CHRIS: WELL JAYME… IT HAS TO BE TIGHT SO THAT WHEN YOU DROP THROUGH THE TRAP DOOR YOUR HEAD ISN’T YANKED OFF.

JAYME: DROP THROUGH THE TRAP DOOR!!!! YOU MEAN THIS GUY IS REALLY GOING TO HANG ME!!!!! YOU CAN’T DO THAT!!!!

CHRIS: YES I CAN JAYME… YOU SEE… HERE AT THE COMFORT FOOD CODY CHRISTMAS VILLAGE… I AM THE SUPREME BEING.. I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT. ISN’T THAT GREAT!!!!

JAYME: NO IT’S NOT GREAT!!!!! AND… WHAT DOES HANGING ME HAVE TO DO WITH CHRISTMAS?!!!!

CHRIS: WELL… WHEN YOU FALL THROUGH THE TRAP DOOR… YOU WILL DROP RIGHT THROUGH A CHRISTMAS WREATH!!! ISN’T THAT FESTIVE!!!

SO FOLKS THAT’S IT.. A QUICK LITTLE TOUR AROUND THE COMFORT FOOD CODY CHRISTMAS VILLAGE….. WHEN YOU STEP ONE FOOT ONTO OUR LITTLE TOWN…YOU’LL STEP 140 YEARS BACK INTO HISTORY. IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE…

JAYME: NO… NO DON’T PULL THAT LEVER… CHRIS!! CHRISSSS!!!!!!!!!

SOUND EFFECT DOOR OPEN/CLOSE

AND… BY THE WAY… I AM TAKING RESUMES… SEVERAL RESUMES FOR JAYME’S FORMER POSITION.

MERRY COMFORT FOOD CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY

CHOW FOR THE COW

SOUND EFFECT OF COW MOOING

HELLO, MY NAME IS NATILIE NIMBLE-PLOD… AND I AM HERE TO SPEAK TO YOU ALL ABOUT MY SPECIAL FUNDRAISER.

NO DOUBT MANY OF YOU HAVE HEARD OF THE “FEAST FOR THE BEASTS” IN RED LODGE…. IT HELPS RAISE MONEY FOR THEIR WILD LIFE CENTER.

NOW, THIS IS A NOBLE CAUSE THAT ATTRACTS GREAT ATTENTION BUT I WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT AN EVEN MORE NOBLE CAUSE… A CAUSE THAT IS CLOSE TO MY HEART.

OUR CAUSE… OUR EVENT IS CALLED… “CHOW FOR THE COW” IT IS A FUNDRAISER TO HELP PROMOTE THE VEGETARIAN WAY OF LIFE AND TO SET FREE THE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF CATTLE ROAMING OVER WYOMING.

TOO LONG HAVE WE GRILLED, FRIED AND BAKED OUR BOVINE BRAHMMA BUDDIES.

WE HAVE DEVELOPED FAUX FUR, FAUX LEATHER AND FAUX POLITICIANS. WHY HAVEN’T WE DEVELOPED A FAUX BEEF!!!

TOO LONG HAS THE SWEET GENTLE “MOOOOOO” OF A BROWN EYE BOSSEYS BEEN FOLLOWED BY A….. WACK!!! WACK!! … DO YOU WANT FRIES FOR THAT!!

YOUR PRICE OF YOUR TICKET WILL PAY FOR RESEARCH TO DEVELOP A PROPPER AND POPULAR FORM OF FAUX BEEF. WE THOUGHT WE HAD IT WORKED OUT WITH SOY BEANS BUT… LETS BE HONEST… THOSE THINGS MAKE MOST PEOPLE WANT TO THROW UP AND SALMON BURGERS… WELL.. THEY ARE JUST FLATTENED SALMON CROCHETS.

SO… BUY YOUR TICKET FOR THE “CHOW FOR THE COW” BECAUSE ITS WRONG TO MAKE HOT DOGGIES OUT OF OUR LITTLE DOAGIES…

THANK YOU.
TESTY THE SNOW MAN

MUSIC—FROSTY THE SNOW MAN

THIS IS TESTY THE SNOWMAN… FROSTY’S OLDER BROTHER AND I WANT TO…. SOMBODY KILL THAT SONG!!! I HATE THAT SONG.

I AM HERE TO TALK TO YOU ALL ABOUT HOW BAD THAT SONG…YOU KNOW.. FROSTY THE SNOW MAN, IS FOR KIDS.

NOW, PERSONALLY… I CAN’T STAND KIDS… THEY ARE SO ANNOYING AND THEY ARE ALWAYS BUILDING ME WRONG, 2 ARMS ON ONE SIDE… 1 ON THE OTHER, PUTTING LUMPS OF COAL IN EMBARRASING PLACES….T… I HATE THAT!!!!! AND DOGS… I REALLY CAN’T STAND DOGS!!! THEY COME AROUND SNIFF YOU FOR A FEW MINUTES AND THEN… WELL… LETS JUST SAY THEY WALK AWAY A LOT LIGHTER. HEY….HEY YOU ROVER…. GO CHECK OUT THAT TREE OVER THERE….STOP SNIFFING ME!!!! OH MAN!!! SEE WHAT I MEAN.

BUT DESPITE THIS… AT LEAST I DON’T LIE TO THEM!!!!!

NOW… THE SONG FROSTY THE SNOWMAN IS TERRIBLE FOR KIDS… IT PROMOTES BREAKING THE LAW, UNLAWFULL PROTESTS, DISSOBEYING POLICE OFFICIALS, ABANDONMENT, SMOKING AND… ITS VIOLENT!

FROSTY HAS A CORNCOBB PIPE… HE’S LITTERALY TELLING KIDS TO SMOKE!!! HEY.. IF SMOKING IS OKAY FOR A HOLIDAY ICON… IT MUST BE GREAT FOR LITTLE JIMMY!!!! MERRY HACKKK COUGH CHRISTMAS JIMMY!!!

NEXT, FROSTY LEADS THE KIDS ON A PARADE WITHOUT A PERMIT… SWINGING THAT BROOMSTICK IN HIS HAND! KIDS ARE LED DOWN A PATH OF LAWBREAKING BY A LOONATIC SWINGING A WEAPON!

THEN… THEY MARCH PAST A POLICEMAN WHO YELLS STOP… AND WHAT DOES FROSTY DO!!! HE RUNS!!! HE ABANDONS THE KIDS TO PAY FOR HIS CRIMES….THEN AS HE’S RUNNING AWAY HE TELLS THE KIDS HE’S GOING TO DIE!!!!

THAT JUST MELTS MY BUTT!!!

LIKE I SAID… I’M NOT THAT FOND OF KIDS… BUT ATLEAST I’M HONEST ABOUT IT!!!!

HOW ABOUT A NEW SONG…

TESTY THE SNOWMAN

TESTY THE SNOWMAN LIKES TO TELL IT LIKE IT IS
I’M GONNA MELT WHEN THE SUN COMES OUT, IN A PUDDLE OF WATER AND WHIZ

TESTY THE SNOWMAN IS A GRUMPY PILE OF SLUSH

HE IS MADE OF SNOW, AND THE KIDS ALL KNOW HE’S A CRANKY BITTER LUSH…

SEE… THAT SONG DOESN’T LEAD CHILDREN ON… IT COMES STRAIGHT OUT AND LETS ‘EM KNOW… TESTY IS…. WELL…TESTY.

SO… IN CLOSING, FROSTY IS A PHONY… TESTY IS THE BESTY! DOG!!!! WHY DID YOU COME BACK!!!! WHAT DID YOU DRINK… GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!!

MERRY ….. WHATEVER.


COMFORT FOOD GIFT CARD

ONCE AGAIN COMFORT FOOD IN AN ATTEMPT TO CASH IN ON OUR EXTREMELY SLOWLY GROWING POPULARITY, ARE PROUD TO ANNOUNCE ANOTHER NEW GIFT ITEM FOR THE CHRISTMAS SEASON.

YOU’VE HEARD OF THE SCAMS AND RIPP-OFFS ASSOCIATED WITH GIFT CARDS. EITHER THE VENDOR HITS YOU WITH OVER THE TOP CHARGES THAT ALMOST ENTIRELY DRAIN THE VALUE OF THE CARD OR SOME LOW LIFE NINER HAS STOLEN THE NUMBER OFF THE GIFT CARD AND ALREADY SPENT IT.

THAT WON’T HAPPEN IF YOU PURCHASE THE “COMFORT FOOD GIFT CARD”!

YOU ARE COMPLETELY PROTECTED WHEN YOU PURCHASE A COMFORT FOOD GIFT CARD. THERE ARE NO HIDDEN CHARGES, THEY NEVER EXPIRE AND NOBODY EVER STEALS THE NUMBERS…AND I MEAN NEVER!!!

HOW CAN I BE SO SURE? BECAUSE THE COMFORT FOOD GIFT CARD IS ONLY GOOD FOR COMFORT FOOD PRODUCTS… AND NO BODY WANTS THOSE. MY MOTHER SENT HER FREE COMFORT FOOD PRODUCTS BACK!

NOW YOU ARE ASKING… WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO PURCHASE A GFT CARD FOR THINGS NO BODY WANTS!

I HAVE THE ANSWER.

THE COMFORT FOOD GIFT CARD IS THE PERFECT GIFT FOR PEOPLE YOU CAN’T STAND!

HERE WITH A TESTIMONIAL:

WENDY: I CAN’T STAND BRAD FROM THE OFFICE. HE LISTEN’S IN ON EVERYONE’S CONVERSATION, HE STEALS FOOD FROM THE BREAKROOM FRIDGE, HE SELLS OFFICE SUPPLYS ON EBAY…AND HE SHOOTS HIS 30-30 AT PASSING CARS…I CAN’T STAND HIM… BUT HE IS MY BOSS AND I HAD TO GET HIM SOME SORT OF GIFT SO… I GOT HIM A COMFORT FOOD GIFT CARD AND WORK HAS BEEN HEAVEN EVER SINCE. YOU SEE… THE GIFT ITEMS ARE SO DEEPLY BURRIED IN THE COMFORT FOOD WEBSITE… IT TAKES AT LEAST 100 HOURS OF COMPUTER TIME TO FIND THEM.

HEY BRAD… ANY LUCK FINDING THE ORDER PAGE FOR THAT GIFT CARD I GOT YOU???

BRYCE: I..YES…YES…. I THINK I’M THERE………….ARRRRRRRGHHHHH!
I ALMOST HAD IT……. WAIT… I CAN MAYBE ACCESS IT THROUGH THE CHRIS TURNER PROFILE….ARRGGGHHHHHH!!!!! MY COMPUTER IS FROZEN AGAIN… I AM GOING TO HAVE TO RE-BOOT IT

SOUND EFFECT ZAPPP!!!!!!

EEEELLLLECCCCTTRTTTTIIIIICUUUUTTIOOOOONNNNN!!!!!

WENDY: I THINK MY FAVORITE PART OF THE GIFT CARD ARE THE RANDOM 1,000 VOLT OF ELECTRICITY IT CAUSES THE COMPUTER TO DISSCHARGE AFTER YOU TYPE IN THE NUMBER!!!EVERYBODY IN MY OFFICE LOVES GIVING THE COMFORT FOOD GIFT CARD TO PEOPLE THEY CAN’T STAND!!!

YES THE COMFORT FOOD GIFT CARD… THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON ANNOYING DAY AFTER DAY AFTR DAY!!!!

AVAILABLE ON LINE AT COMFORT FOOD RADIO .COM

BRYCE: I FOUND IT I FOUND IT!!!!!!!!!

SOUND EFFECT ZAPPPP!!!!!!!!!

IEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!