OPENING MONOLOGUE

WELCOME BACK TO COMFORT FOOD… BROADCASTING FROM BEAUTIFUL CODY WYOMING… WYOMING… WHERE MARCH COMES IN LIKE A LION AND GOES OUT LIKE A LION… AND THE SAME GOES FOR APRIL, MAY, JUNE, JULY… AND SO ON.

CHRIS: THIS HAS BEEN A PRETTY BUSY WEEK FOR US HERE AT COMFORT FOOD… BECAUSE… MY WONDERFUL STAFF… MOVED INTO THEIR NEW OFFICES THIS WEEK.

WENDY: CHRIS… I’D LIKE TO SPEAK TO YOU ABOUT OUR…(HAND QUOTES) ”OFFICES”

CHRIS: DON’T YOU JUST LOVE THEM.

WENDY: OH… YEAH… THEY ARE GREAT…. JUST GREAT.

CHRIS: BECAUSE OF THE ECONOMY… I GOT A GREAT DEAL ON THOSE OFFICES.

WENDY: I AM SURE YOU DID…

CHRIS: NOW WENDY… I KNOW THEY ARE KIND OF SMALL BUT… THEY ARE VERY PRIVATE….

WENDY: OH…THEY’RE PRIVATE ALL RIGHT.

CHRIS: AND YOU CAN DECORATE THEM ANYWAY YOU LIKE.

WENDY: OH… HOW GENEROUS OF YOU…

CHRIS: YOU SHOULD BE VERY GREATFUL WENDY… PEOPLE STAND IN LINE TO GET PLACES LIKE THIS.

WENDY: THAT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE PORTA-POTIES!!!! OUR OFFICES ARE PORTA-POTIES!

CHRIS: YOU’RE WRONG WENDY THEY ARE A MOBILE OFFICE PARK.

WENDY: MOBILE OFFICE PARK?

CHRIS: YES… I LIKE TO THINK OF THEM AS THE COMFORT FOOD OFFICE COMPLEX.

WENDY: CHRIS… STICKING THREE PORTA-POTIES TOGETHER DOES NOT MAKE AN OFFICE COMPLEX.

CHRIS: WELL… YOU SHOULD AT LEAST BE GREATFUL FOR THE SIGN WITH YOUR NAME ON THE DOOR.

WENDY: IT SAYS LADIES!!!

CHRIS: WELL… WENDY... I CONSIDER YOU A LADY.

WENDY: OH… THANKS A BUNCH. AND I CONSIDER YOU A…

CHRIS: FAMILY SHOW WENDY…. FAMILY SHOW!!!

WENDY: I DON’T CARE… IT’S HUMILIATING.

CHRIS: OH WENDY YOU ARE JUST OVER REACTING.

WENDY: OVER REACTING CHRIS… DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LAST WEEK?

CHRIS: A LOT OF THINGS… THE MARKET DID SOME LOOPY THINGS… THE PRESIDENT SAID HE WOULD…

WENDY: I MEAN AT MY OFFICE… PORTA-POTTIE… WHATEVER…DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

CHRIS: HMMM OH… YEAH… WE HAD THE RIBBON CUTTING CEREMONY.

WENDY: YES… YOU HAD THE CODY AMBASADORS CLUB COME OUT AND DO A RIBBON CUTTING.

CHRIS: I THOUGHT THAT WAS PRETTY COOL TOO.

WENDY: IT WASN’T COOL… DURING THE WHOLE THING… I WALKED OVER TO MY (HAND QUOTES) “OFFICE”… OPENDED THE DOOR AND INTERUPTED ONE OF THE AMBASADORS.

CHRIS: WAS SHE MAKING A CALL?

WENDY: YES, SHE WAS ANSWERING A CALL… THE CALL OF NATURE!!!!

CHRIS: WELL THAT WAS RUDE OF HER.

WENDY: WELL I CAN’T BLAME HER…

CHRIS: WHY DO YOU SAY THAT…? I WOULD THINK YOU WOULD BE PRETTY DARN UPSET… YOUR OFFICE GETTING DESECRATED LIKE THAT.

WENDY: WHAT DO YOU EXPECT…? LOOK AT WHAT YOU SERVED THE GUESTS.

CHRIS: I THOUGHT IT WAS A NICE LITTLE BUFFET.

WENDY: OH SURE… IT WAS GREAT… YOU HAD BRAN MUFFINS, PRUNE WHIP, PRUNE DANISH A POT OF BAKED BEANS AND DOZENS OF BOTTLES OF WATER.

CHRIS: HEY… I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW ALL THOSE BOTTLES WERE RECYCLEABLE…

WENDY: SO WAS EVERYTHING ELSE!!!

CHRIS: WENDY… I THINK YOU ARE OVER REACTING.

WENDY: I AM NOT… JUST ASK FRANK AND KIM… SEE HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT HAVING PORTA POTTIES FOR OFFICES.

CHRIS: OKAY… I WILL… FRANK… DO YOU LIKE YOUR NEW OFFICE?

FRANK: I LOVE IT!!! I JUST LOVE IT!

WENDY: FRANK! YOU LOVE… YOUR NEW (HAND QUOTES) “OFFICE”?

FRANK: OH YES…

WENDY: WHY… IT SMELLS… IT’S TINY… THERE’S NO HEATING… IT’S AWFUL… NAME ONE GOOD THING ABOUT IT.

FRANK: IT COMES WITH ITS OWN PRIVATE BATHROOM.

CHRIS: SEE!

WENDY: FRANK IT IS A BATHROOM!!!! NO… IT DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A BATH… IT’S A POTTIE… YOUR OFFICE IS A POTTIE!!

FRANK: WENDY… I MAY NOT BE AS NEAT AND CLEAN AS YOU ARE BUT THERE IS NO REASON TO INSULT MY PRIVATE OFFICE LIKE THAT. I’LL GET IT STRAIGHTENED UP…. SHEEESH... SHE IS REALLY JUDGEMENTAL.

CHRIS: SORRY ABOUT THAT FRANK… YOU KNOW HOW THESE...HAND QUOTES…”NEAT FREAKS” ARE… SEE WENDY… I CAN DO THE QUOTE THING TOO!

WENDY: KIM… KIM… OKAY… YOU GOTTA STAND WITH ME ON THIS… YOU KNOW…SISTERS… WOMEN… MOMMIES UNITED… YOU HATE YOUR “OFFICE” DON’T YOU!

KIM: WELL….. I KIND OF… LIKE IT.

WENDY: YOU LIKE IT!!!!

KIM: YES… MY OFFICE HAS A MURAL ON IT.

WENDY: A… MURAL?

KIM: OH YES… IT’S REALLY NICE… IT’S BUCKING HORSE WITH A COWBOY ON IT… VERY NICELY DONE.

WENDY: CHRIS… WHERE DID YOU GET THESE…”OFFICES”?

CHRIS: OFF OF EBAY

WENDY: AND… WHERE WERE THEY SHIPPED FROM?

CHRIS: CHEYENNE

WENDY: KIM, FRANK… OUR “OFFICES” ARE PORTA-POTTIES FROM THE CHEYENNE FRONTIER DAYS, AM I RIGHT CHRIS?

CHRIS: SORT OF.

WENDY: WHAT DO YOU MEAN…? SORT OF?

CHRIS: THEY WERE USED AT CHEYENNE FRONTIER DAYS… FOR SEVERAL YEARS… AND THAT MAKES THEM VERY SPECIAL.

WENDY: I CAN’T IMAGINE ANYTHING THAT WOULD MAKE A PORTA POTTY SPECIAL.

CHRIS: WELL… BECAUSE OF THEIR HISTORY… THEY’RE COLLECTOR’S ITEMS.

WENDY: COLLECTOR’S ITEMS!

CHRIS: YEP… THEY ARE PRCA APPROVED!!

FRANK: COOL!!!

KIM: DOUBLE COOL!!
WENDY: TRIPPLE YEEEECHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

CHRIS: WENDY… I THINK YOU ARE BEING WAY TOO PICKY.

WENDY: CHRIS… MY OFFICE IS A TOILET.

CHRIS: I’M SORRY TO HEAR THAT… YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF… BEING SO JUDGEMENTAL OF FRANK’S OFFICE WHEN YOU KEEP YOUR’S IN SUCH BAD SHAPE.

WENDY: I… I GIVE UP.

CHRIS: BY THE WAY WENDY… DID YOU NOTICE WHAT THE SIGN SAYS ABOVE YOUR OFFICE CHAIR?

WENDY: OH YOU MEAN THE CHAIR …WITH THE FLIP TOP?

CHRIS: YES… DID YOU NOTICE…?

WENDY: WHO COULD MISS IT…? IN BIG GIANT LETTERS IT READS…..


COMFORT FOOD IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE BIG HORN RADIO NETWORK ON KODI 1400 AM AND KZMQ 1140 AM FROM 9-10 AM SATURDAY MORNINGS …. LIVE FROM THE WORLD FAMOUS IRMA HOTEL WHERE HISTORY, GREAT FOOD, AND GREAT ROOMS COLLIDE FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT! OH... AND DON’T FORGET TO GO TO OUR WEBSITE COMFORTFOODRADIO.COM AND SIGN UP FOR OUR PODCASTING DOWLOADS... IT’S FREE!!!! AND IF YOU WANT TO ADD ZIP TO YOUR COMMERCIAL ADDS… CONTACT CHRIS TURNER AT 587 9989… YOU HAVE THE PRODUCT … HE HAS THE VOICE TO SELL IT! BUT WHATEVER YOU DO… DON’T RENT OFFICE SPACE FROM HIM!!!


WENDY: YOU KNOW FRANK… I JUST CAN’T BELIVE YOU WOULD FALL FOR THIS…

FRANK: FALL FOR WHAT?

WENDY: FALL FOR HAVING SOMEONE GIVE YOU A PORTA-POTTY AND TELING YOU IT’S A PRIVATE OFFICE.

FRANK: WELL… WENDY… YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND… GUY’S HAVE BEEN CALLING IT THAT FOR YEARS AND YEARS…

WENDY: CALLING WHAT THEIR OFFICE.
FRANK: ANY ROOM WITH A FLIP TOP SEAT!

WENDY: I… I… JUST GIVE UP!!!!


CHARLIE BROWN PROMO

NOW… TODAY WE HAVE SOME VERY SPECIAL MUSICAL GUESTS… THE CAST OF THE CODY HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL…”YOU’RE A GOOD MAN CHARLIE BROWN”.

AS MOST OF YOU KNOW… LIZ DANFORTH… IS THE DIRECTOR OF THE YEARLY HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL. SHE PUTS IN A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF TIME AND EFFORT AND THE RESULTS ARE ALWAYS WONDERFUL.

BECAUSE PUTTING ON A HIGH SCHOOL PLAY IS SUCH A DIFFICULT AND REGOROUS UNDERTAKING… LIZ HAS ASKED ME TO AID HER AS AN ADVISOR DURING THE PRODUCTION OF THE PLAY….. YOU SEE… BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL… I PLAYED THE TITLE ROLL… CHARLIE BROWN.

THE FIRST JOB I UNDERTOOK IN MY ROLL AS ADVISOR WAS TO PRODUCE A SPECIAL RADIO COMMERCIAL FOR THE PLAY… AND TODAY WE ARE… ALL GOING TO HEAR THE COMMERCIAL FOR THE FIRST TIME…. I THINK THIS IS REALLY GOING TO PACK THEM IN LIZ.

SO HERE WE GO…. THE YOU’RE A GOOD MAN CHARLIE BROWN COMMERCIAL…

RECORDING….

HOLLYWOOD FANFARE…..

TOM MORRISON:

CHRIS TURNER AND COMFORT FOOD PRODUCTIONS… OWNED AND OPERATED BY CHRIS TURNER PRESENT…..

CHRIS TURNER AND CHARLE’S SHULTZ’S…

YOU’RE A GOOD MAN CHARLIE BROWN…

WRITTEN BY CHARLES SHULTZ
WITH ADDITIONAL DIOLOGUE BY CHRIS TURNER….

STARING…. CODY HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS….
TRAINED BY CHRIS TURNER…

DIRECTED BY CHRIS TURNER AND LIZ DANFORTH (SAY LIZ DANFORT REALLY FAST)

CASTING BY CHRIS TURNER AND LIZ DANFORTH (SAY LIZ DANFORTH REALLY FAST).

ADDITIONAL ROLLS CREATED BY… CHRIS TURNER

PRODUCED BY CHRIS TURNER…

COSTUMES… BY CHRIS TURNER…

PROPS… BY CHRIS TURNER…

LIGHTING… BY CHRIS TURNER…

SOUND… BY CHRIS TURNER…

STAGE MANAGER… CHRIS TURNER

MUSICAL DIRECTION… BY CHRIS TURNER…

ORCHESTRA LED… BY CHRIS TURNER

ADDITIONALS SONGS… BY CHRIS TURNER….

PROGRAMS… WRITTEN AND PRINTED BY CHRIS TURNER….

PERFORMED IN WYONONA THOMPSON AUDITORIUM… SOON TO BE CHRIS TURNER AUDITORIUM…

TICKETS ON SALE…. WHEREVER CHRIS TURNER WANTS THEM TO BE ON SALE….

BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW SO THAT YOU CAN ENJOY CHRIS TURNER AND THE STUDENT’ S PRODUCTION OF……

YOU’RE A GREAT GUY CHRIS TURNER TO PUT ON YOU’RE A GOOD MAN CHARLIE BROWN.

PAID FOR BY FRIENDS OF CHRIS TURNER

END MORRISON RECORDING.

CHRIS: I’M CHRIS TURNER… AND I REALLY… REALLY… APPROVED OF THIS MESSAGE



THE NATIONAL CHICKEN COUNCIL

SOUND EFFECT CHICKEN….

CHRIS: THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE NATIONAL CHICKEN COUNCIL….

WENDY: HI… I’M WYNONA SLAP SADDLE… WITH THE NATIONAL CHICKEN COUNCIL… AND I WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK TO YOU ABOUT AN ISSUE WE AT THE NATIONAL CHICKEN COUNCIL FIND VERY DISTURBING.

WE ARE VERY DISTURBED THAT THE WORD “CHICKEN” HAS BECOME A SYNONYM FOR COWARDICE.

PHRASES SUCH AS… “HE OR SHE WON’T GO IN THERE BECAUSE THEY ARE CHICKEN” UPSETS US VERY MUCH.

CHICKENS AREN’T CHICKEN! THEY ARE VERY BRAVE

AND WE ALSO DON’T CARE FOR THE GAME OF “CHICKEN”. THIS IS, OF COURSE WHEN TWO PEOPLE GET IN CARS OR SOME OTHER VEHICLE, AND SPEED DIRECTLY AT EACH OTHER…. TO SEE WHO WILL PULL AWAY FIRST. WE FIND THIS GAME… FOWL.

ONLY HUMANS ARE CUKOO ENOUGH TO PARTICIPATE IN SUCH A STUPID PAST TIME… CHICKENS WOULDN’T DO IT. ONLY A HUMAN WOULD LET SOME ONE EGG THEM ON TO DO SUCH A STUPID THING.

BE AN INDIVIDUAL… NOT ONE OF THE FLOCK.

SO THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE CALLS YOU A CHICKEN… JUST… ON A LARK…STAND PROUDLY AND SAY... YES… I AM A CHICKEN…LOOK THEM STRAIGHT IN THE EYE… TELL THEM THEIR GOOSE IS COOKED AND THEN FLIP THEM THE BIRD AND BE READY TO DUCK!

THANK YOU…

CHRIS: THIS MESSAGE WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE NATIONAL CHICKEN COUNCIL… WHOSE MOTTO IS…WE’RE NO QUAKS!


RETURN OF KATIA

LAST WEEK WE INTRODUCED YOU ALL TO ONE OF THE IRMA’S MORE INTERESTING EMPLOYEES…

KATIA PINSK FROM MINSK. SHE IS A FORMER RESIDENT OF RUSSIA BUT NOW CALLS CODY AND WYOMING HER HOME.

SO WITHOUT ANY FURTHER ADO…..LET’S WELCOME BACK KATIA.

KATIA MUSIC.

CHRIS: WELCOME BACK TO COMFORT FOOD KATIA.

JAN: IS BEING HER A PLEASURE.

CHRIS: IT IS VERY NICE TO HAVE YOU BACK ON THE SHOW.

JAN: THANK YOU. I WISH SAME I COULD SAY.

CHRIS: ARE YOU EXCITED TO BE BACK?

JAN: IT REMIND ME OF DECADE I SPENT IN SIBERIA SHOVELING COAL INTO FURNACE FOR 12 HOURS A DAY.

CHRIS: HOW IS BEING ON MY RADIO SHOW LIKE... LIKE THAT?

JAN: WELL… LIKE SIBERIAN JOB… THIS MAY NOT BE HELL BUT I CAN SEE IT FROM HERE.

CHRIS: THANK YOU…. UM KATIA… YOU HAVE BEEN IN THE U.S. FOR 3 … ALMOST 4 YEARS… CORRECT?

JAN: YES…. 3 OR 40 YEARS… CORRECT.

CHRIS: HAVE YOU PICKED UP ANY AMERICAN HABITS?

JAN: YES I HAVE.

CHRIS: LIKE WHAT?

JAN: EATING… AND USING FRESH TOILET PAPER.

CHRIS: WONDERFUL…. HOW…NICE. TOILET PAPER IS VERY BIG WITH YOU ISN’T IT?

JAN: YES… IN FORMER SOVIET SOCIALIST REPUBLIC THAT WAS VERY, VERY HARD TO FIND.

CHRIS: WELL… HOW DO I ASK THIS DELICATELY…. WHAT WAS THE ALTERNATIVE TO TOILET PAPER… WHEN YOU COULDN’T FIND IT?

JAN: WE USED PINE CONES… RUSSIANS ARE TOUGH PEOPLE.

CHRIS: I’LL SAY… KATIA… WHAT DO YOU DO AT NIGHT…? WHEN YOU GET OFF OF WORK?

JAN: WELL… ME AND OTHER RUSSIAN GIRLS WHO WORK HERE ALL LIKE TO GO TO WALMART.

CHRIS: OH… REALLY… AND WHAT DO YOU DO IN WALMART?

JAN: WE GO TO T.V. DEPARTMENT.

CHRIS: WHY?

JAN: WELL… NONE OF US HAVE CABLE SO WE GO THERE TO WATCH T.V.

CHRIS: BUT… KATIA… THEY DON’T HAVE CABLE THERE… THEY JUST HAVE THIS ONE DISC OR... TAPE OR WHATEVER… THAT JUST KEEPS PLAYING ON ALL THE TV’S … THE SAME SHOWS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

JAN: AHHHHHH THAT EXPLAINS IT.

CHRIS: EXPLAINS WHAT?

JAN: I DON’T KNOW… I GET CONFUSED.

CHRIS: SO… WHEN YOU AREN’T IN WALMART WATCHING THE SAME FOOTBALL GAME OVER AND OVER AGAIN… WHAT ELSE DO YOU DO?

JAN: SOMETIME WE GO TO VISKEY RIVER AND SING KAREOKE WITH FRANK.

CHRIS: OH YOU DO….

JAN: YES WE DOOD.

CHRIS: AND DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE SONG?

JAN: YES WE DOOD, IT REMIND US RUSSIAN GIRLS OF HOME SOMETIMES… WE CRY WHEN WE SING IT… SNIF…I….I GET EMOTIONAL IT MAKE US SICKHOME WHEN WE HEAR IT.

CHRIS: OHHH…WELL... THAT’S VERY SWEET…WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE SONG?

JAN: BORN IN THE U.S.A.

CHRIS: OH…. WELL I CAN SEE THAT… DO YOU EVER SING… BACK IN THE USSR BY THE BEATLES.

JAN: ALL THE TIME… WE LOVE THE BUGS.

CHRIS: SO YOU LIKE TO SING KARAOKEE… WHAT ELSE DO YOU DO?

JAN: WELL… WE RUSSIAN GIRLS WENT HORSE BACK RIDING ONECE.

CHRIS: WOW…. YOU DID… GREAT… BUT WHY ONLY ONCE?

JAN: WELL… WE GOT IN TROUBLE WITH HORSE… GUY.

CHRIS: WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE?

JAN: BIG TROUBLE.

CHRIS: OKAY… WHAT HAPPENED?

JAN: HE GOT UPSET WHEN WE ATE HIS HORSE.

CHRIS: YOU ATE HIS HORSE!!!!

JAN: HEY...HEY… WE’D NEVER SEEN THAT MUCH MEAT AT ONE TIME. AND I HAVE ADIVCE PIECE FOR YOU.

CHRIS: OKAY… GO AHEAD.

JAN: SADDLES ARE NOT AS SOFT AS THEY LOOK…. THEY TASTE LIKE LEATHER… VERY CHEWY.

CHRIS: I CAN’T BELIVE YOU ATE HIS HORSE… I’M AFRAID TO ASK WHAT YOU DID WITH HIS TRUCK DOG.

JAN: OH TRUCK DOG WAS GREAT!!!!

CHRIS: YOU ATE HIS TRUCK DOG!!!!!??

JAN: OF COURSE NOT… SILLY MAN.

CHRIS: WHEW…

JAN: WE ATE HIS TRUCK.

CHRIS: WHY DID YOU EAT HIS TRUCK?

JAN: BECAUSE OF WHAT IT SAID ON SIDE OF TRUCK.

CHRIS: WHAT DID IT SAY?

JAN: DODGE RAM! WE LOVE SHEEP!

CHRIS: KATIA… I WANTED TO ASK YOU… WHY DID YOU PICK WYOMING TO SETTLE IN.?

JAN: WELL… LIKE FORMER SOVIET UNION… IT VERY BIG… VERY… OUT SPREAD… AND LIKE RUSSIA... IT HAS LOTS OF BARS….

CHRIS: OH... THERE ARE LOTS OF BARS IN RUSSIA?

JAN: OH YES…HUNTER GO OUT AND SHOOT THEM AND BRING HOME SKIN.

CHRIS: OH YOU MEAN BEARS…

JAN: WHAT IS BAR THIN?

CHRIS: A BAR IS WHERE YOU GO AND HAVE A DRINK ANDSOMETIMES PEOPLE DRINK TOO MUCH… DO SOME SHOOTERS TRY TO GET LUCKY AND TAKE SOME ONE HOME.

JAN: LIKE I SAID… SHOOT AND TAKE SKIN HOME!

CHRIS: KATIA… BEFORE YOU GO… YOU SAID SOMETHING VERY INTERESTING THE LAST TIME YOU WAS HERE.

JAN: IT WASN’T ME!!! I SAY NOTHING… NOTHING!!!!

CHRIS: NO… KATIA… YOU AREN’T GOING TO GET IN TROUBLE.

JAN: I’M NOT… OH… GOOD…

CHRIS: YOU SAID SOMETHING ABOUT VLADIMIR LENIN.

JAN: IT WASN’T ME!!! I SAY NOTHING… NOTHING!!!!

CHRIS: NO...NO KATIA…IT’S ALRIGHT. YOU SAID HE DIDN’T HAVE A VERY GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR…THAT HE WAS AS FUNNY AS…

JAN: A BOX OF HAIR.

CHRIS: THAT IS RIGHT… CAN YOU GIVE US AN EXAMPLE OF HIS SENSE OF HUMOR…? PLEASE?

JAN: THERE NO KGB HERE IS THERE?

CHRIS: NO… NO… THEY GOT LAID OFF BY SIERRA TRADING POST.

JAN: OKAY…. HMMM OKAY… I TELL YOU CAMRADE LENIN’S FAVORITE JOCK AND YOU SEE.

CHRIS: YOU MEAN JOKE.

JAN: JOCK… JOKE WHO CARES…. OKAY… CAMRADE LENIN’S FAVORITE JOKE…… HOW MANY RUSSIANS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?

CHRIS: I DON’T KNOW… HOW MANY RUSSIANS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

JAN: ONE.

CHRIS: THAT’S IT.

JAN: BOX OF HAIR…

CHRIS: THANK YOU KATIA!!

JAN: I TELL YOU HIS OTHER FAVORITE JOKE… WHY DID THE RUSSIAN CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

CHRIS: I DON’T KNOW WHY DID THE RUSSIAN CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

JAN: TO GET TO SIBERIA. EATING GLASS WAS MORE FUN THAN THAT GUY.

CHRIS: THANK YOU KATIA PINSK FROM MINSK!!



MORE THINGS TO PONDER….

A FEW WEEKS AGO… I TOOK YOU ALL INTO A LITTLE TRIP INSIDE MY BRAIN….

I AM SURE MOST OF YOU HAVE RECOVERED… THOSE WHO HAVEN’T I HAVE MET WITH YOUR ATTY’S.

NOW… WE ARE GOING BACK INSIDE MY BRAIN FOR MORE… THINGS TO PONDER….

LET’S JUST OPEN THAT DOOR…

SOUND EFFECT DOOR

CHICKENS CLUCKING…

OOOPS… WRONG DOOR…

SOUND EFFECT DOOR

SOUND EFFECT HARP

HERE WE GO…..

CHRIS:
1. WHY ARE THERE INTERSTATE HIGHWAYS IN HAWAII?
WENDY:
2. WHY ARE THERE FLOTATION DEVICES UNDER PLANE SEATS INSTEAD OF PARACHUTES?
JAN
3. WHY ARE CIGARETTES SOLD IN GAS STATIONS WHEN SMOKING IS PROHIBITED THERE?
CHRIS:
4. IF YOU CAN’T DRINK AND DRIVE, WHY DO YOU NEED A DRIVER’S LICENST TO BUY LIQUOR AND WHY DO BARS HAVE PARKING LOTS?
WENDY
5. HAVE YOU EVER IMAGINED A WORLD WHERE THERE ARE NO HYPOTHETICAL SITUATIONS?
CHRIS
6. HOW DOES THE GUY WHO DRIVES THE SNOWPLOW… GET TO WORK?
JAN
7. IF A COW LAUGHED REALLY… REALLY HARD… WOULD MILK COME OUT OF HER NOSE?
WENDY
8. IF NOTHING EVER STICKS TO TEFLON, HOW DO THEY MAKE TEFLON STICK TO THE PAN?
CHRIS
9. IF YOU’RE IN A VEHICLE GOING THE SPEED OF LIGHT, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TURN ON THE HEADLIGHTS?
JAN
10. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE DOTS ON THE KEYPAD OF THE DRIVE-UP ATM?



CHRIS: AND FINALLY… THE NUMBER ONE THING TO PONDER……………

IF A BLACK BOX IN A PLANE IS INDESTRUCTABLE, WHY CAN’T THEY MAKE THE WHOLE PLANE OUT OF IT?

AND THOSE ARE JUST SOME OF THE THOUGHTS YOU CAN DRIVE YOURSELF CRAZY WITH!!!!


BAD MUSICALS

IN HONOR OF OUR SPECIAL MUSICAL GUESTS… THE CAST OF THE CODY HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL “YOU’RE A GOOD MAN CHARLIE BROWN” I HAVE DONE SOME RESEARCH AND COME UP WITH SOMETHING KIND OF INTERESTING.

WE ALL KNOW THE … GREAT MUSICALS OF THE PAST, MY FAIR LADY, OKLAHOMA, SOUTH PACIFIC, MAN FROM LA MANCHA AND OF COURSE… ANNIE GET YOUR GUN.

I THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE WITH YOU ALL SOME OF THE REALLY… BAD MUSICALS THAT HAVE BEEN PRODUCED.

TRUST ME PEOPLE… THESE ARE BAD.

OUR FIRST ONE IS LYRICAL LOOK AT THE WORLD OF PUBLISHING…

GUTENBURG, THE MUSICAL!

THIS TRIBUTE TO THE 15TH CENTURY INVENTOR OF THE PRINTING PRESS IS A LIGHT HEARTED LOOK AT JOHANES GUTEBERG AND HIS… BIBLE…

SOME OF THE SONGS….IN “GUTENBERG, THE MUSICAL”….

STOP THE PRESS…

I CAN’T READ…

AND THE SONG THE AUDIENCE MEMBERS WILL BE SINGING AS THEY EXIT THE THEATER…..

MONK WITH ME.


WENDY: OUR NEXT BAD MUSICAL IS….

FUNK IT UP ABOUT NOTHIN……

FROM THE GUYS WHO BROUGHT US… “THE BOMB-ITTY OF ERRORS”

FUNK IT UP WITH NOTHIN IS A RAP VERSION OF SHAKESPEAR’S “MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING.”

SHAKESPEAR ISN’T JUST ROLING IN HIS GRAVE… HE SAT UP AND SCREAMED HIS HEAD OFF!

THE SONG YOU’LL BE SINGING THE NEXT DAY AT WORK…

“ FUNK, FUNK, FUNK, FUNK IT UP”

THERE ARE SOME OTHER SONGS BUT… WE AREN’T ALLOWED TO USE THOSE WORDS ON THE RADIO.

CHRIS: NEXT WE HAVE…..

HOSTAGE SONG, A ROCK MUSICAL ABOUT TWO PRISONERS MARKED FOR EXECUTION…

AND THE SONG PEOPLE WILL BE SINGING AS THEY EXIT THE THEATER….

“NOW THEY’RE GOING TO KILL ME ON PRINCIPLE”

LITTLE THEATERS ACROSS AMERICA WILL BE CLAMORING TO PUT THIS ONE ON…

WENDY: THE NEXT ONE… KIDS… LISTENERS… I AM NOT KIDDING…

BRAVEHART, THE MUSICAL….

I DON’T THINK ANYONE NEEDS MORE OF A DESCRIPTION…

THE SONG FROM THE MUSICAL YOU WILL SING YOUR CHILD TO SLEEP WITH…

MY SWORD IN YOUR GULLET!!!

CHRIS NEXT WE HAVE A REAL AMERICAN CLASSIC….

GONE WITH THE WIND… THE MUSICAL…

ONE CRITIC DESCRIBED IT THIS WAY

THE PROBLEM IS… THE ACTING INTERRUPTS THE SONGS AND THE SONGS INTERRUPT THE ACTING”

THE NUMBER YOU’LL BE SINGING AROUND THE OLD PIANO WITH YOUR GRAND PARENTS…

THE I DON’T KNOW NUTHIN ABOUT BIRTHIN NO BABIES…RAG.

WENDY: NEXT IS A MUSICAL THAT HAS YET TO ACTUALLY BE PERFORMED BUT… WE HAD TO MENTION IT…

BATMAN…

YEP… THE CAPED CRUSADER IS THE CENTRAL FIGURE IN AN UP COMING MUSICAL…

AND YES… MEATLOAF’S “BAT OUT OF HECK” (IT’S A FAMILY SHOW) IS ONE OF THE SONGS….

BUT THE ONE YOU WILL BE SINING AT YOUR NEXT COMIC CONVENTION IS…SUNG BY THE JOKER…

“WHERE DOES HE GET ALL THOSE WONDERFUL TOYS”

CHRIS: NOW HERE IS ONE THAT HAS BEEN WRITTEN BUT NEVER PRODUCED, NEVER PERFORMED AND NEVER RECORDED…

WARREN!

WARREN IS THE STORY OF A WARREN, GROUP, OF RABBITS…

THE BIG NUMBER IN THE PLAY IS WHEN THE LEAD CHARACTER… WARREN… SINGS ABOUT HIS URGE TO EAT MEAT… AND IT FEATURES THE LYRIC LINE….

“I COULD EAT A CARROT… BUT I’D RATHER EAT A PARROT”

AND…..FOR THE LOVE SONG…..TUNNEL OF LOVE…

WARREN AND GIRL FRIEND DOE SING…

“LET’S DIG A BURROW TOGETHER, LET’S SETTLE IN THERE FOREVER, LET’S MAKE SOME EXCAVATIONS, NO TIME FORE EXPLANATIONS”

AND NOW… THE WORST MUSICAL OF ALL TIME….TAKE IT WENDY….

WENDY: THE TITILE… INTO THE LIGHT….

IT’S SUBJECT… THE SHROUD OF TURIN…

THIS IS A ROLLICKING STORY OF AN AMERICAN SCIENTIST AND HIS QUEST TO LEARN IF THE FAMED SHOURD OF TURIN IS IN FACT … REAL.

AND THE SONG YOU’LL BE HUMMING INTO YOUR HONEY’S EAR THE NEXT DAY…..

“WHY DID GOT CREAT ANCHOVIES IF EVERYONE HATES THEM”

CHRIS: AND THOSE ARE YOUR WORST MUSICALS OF ALL TIME!!!!